Silver Lining

20th October 2006

Too many people miss the silver lining because they're expecting gold. ~Maurice Setter

The sky had not fallen when I woke up in the morning. The warm bundle cuddling close beside me further reassured me that life is still beautiful. Throughout the morning, my heart was warmed by the voice of my little cherub and her happy grin. Well-wishes and concerns from my dear friends helped to chase the shadows away too. I considered myself the most blessed being on Earth!

However, the moment Angel was sent to school, I had the strongest urge to step out of the house, away from whatever that was to befall me upon me. Though I had no desire of it happening when the kids are around, I simply had not the courage to face the catastrophe alone either.

My sister-in-law cast me a “what-you-still-have-the-mood-to-shop” expression when I told her that I was going to spend some time at the shopping mall near the kids’ school till their dismissal time.

“Stay at home. I’ll drop by in another two hours’ time,” she ordered.

Every passing second alone in the house was a torture. I checked that the door was properly latched for the umpteenth time while roaming aimlessly around the threshold. Every knock and footstep in the distant set my heart racing. Fortunately, my soul mate sacrificed her lunch hour holding on to her end of the phone enduring my silence. Her spiritual presence somehow helped to calm the tension building within me.

After my friend hanged up, I decided to try the “Ostrich Theory” for the next hour, burying my head under my blanket and tried to get some shuteye.

I didn’t know how long I had drifted in and out of semi-consciousness. The scraping of Kristel’s feet under the front door jerked me out of the bed. As I peered through the peephole of the door, my heart-rate returned to normal. It was my sister-in-law.

For the next twenty minutes, my sister-in-law asked me questions which I had no answers to and made comments which I couldn’t rebuke. I almost helped myself to self-pity when the phone call which turned things around arrived. Kids’ father had managed to settle the problem for the time being. Relief washed over me.

It was like the knife was finally pulled out from my heart. The wound was treated and dressed and the pain subsiding under the sedative. But the whole episode left me drained. The only thing that engulfed me for the rest of the day was severe sleepiness.

As if suffering from side effects from the sedative, a dull ache began pounding in my head, my limbs suffered from muscle cramps, and even my back felt pangs of pain when I moved around.

However, physical pain was easier to manage than psychological pain. I grimaced at the pain but was otherwise glad the whole night. Even when I was kept awake in the night with the soreness, I still thank God for the silver lining.

Amen.