Plead Guilty

No one is listening until you fart. ~Author Unknown

No, I didn’t really fart. But I was in a foul mood and I barked. I supposed the air was reeking of my stinky hot fume too.

I was feeling hot-headed the whole morning. Poor Angel took a full blow from me and left the kitchen sobbing. Guilty conscience filled me as I began to cool down while washing the dishes. I hadn’t meant to be so harsh on her. She didn’t really commit any grave mistake to deserve what I had said to her a moment ago. I had no right to vent my frustration over the never-ending chores on her. I shouldn’t have piled all the blames on her when I had meant to chide Rachel indirectly too. What had I done?

I had always advised my kids to control their tempers instead of letting their tempers control their words and actions. But look at me now. I’m not setting a good example. I’m all words but no action. I’m such a failure.

Even as I kept reproaching myself, I couldn’t find the courage to apologize to the poor girl. Even as the poor girl kept deliberately appearing before me trying to tell me something, I turned my back on her. Oh, how I hated myself!

The temperature had dropped from sizzling hot to bitter cold. I tried to drown myself in whatever chores I could get my hands on. By then, the two girls were smart enough to keep a distance from me. Mervin was considerably fortunate to be staying over at my in-law’s place to avoid this disaster.

Just as I was getting back into my room, Angel brushed past me to get the vacuum cleaner. The next thing I knew, she was vacuuming the floor for me. Instead of showing my appreciation, I buried my head into my drawer and started to unpack and pack the stuffs inside.

Amidst clearing my head, I mean, stuffs, I came across the Polaroid taken when Angel was still a fetus in my womb. I was engulfed by an overwhelming feeling and wanted to show Angel the moment she stepped into my room. But when she finally entered, I shrank back once again, not knowing how to break the ice. What a coward!

As I acted busy with organizing my drawer, Angel and Rachel helped me to fold the heap of clothes on my bed. Somehow, I was glad that my eruption had caused the unexpected good fortune on my part. But I was feeling extremely guilt-ridden at the same time. My kids had displayed forgiveness and thoughtfulness towards me while I was still the ungrateful monster.

“Mummy, I’m going to help you mop the floor next,” Angel announced as she rushed out enthusiastically.

Rachel, on the other hand, chose to help me to iron the uniform quietly at a corner.

Just as I finished packing my drawer, Angel stood before me with a beaming face.

“Mummy, I had helped you to vacuum the floor, mop the floor, change Kristel’s papers and fold the clothes. Sis had also folded the clothes and ironed our uniforms.”

Her large innocent eyes searched my face eagerly for a reply and that was when I wanted to bury my face in her and cried.

“Thank you.” That was the only thing I could manage. But it seemed to be the ultimate answer she was looking for as she was suddenly happy as a lark again. She had only hoped to seek my forgiveness and see me smile again.

Rachel is not one who pours out her thoughts and feelings but I was well aware that she was the one who proposed to Angel of the things that they could do to please me.

My dear girls made me feel so ashamed of myself. While I demand so much from them, they ask for so little in return.

Remorse.