Spirit vs Flesh

“Fatigue is the best pillow.” ~Benjamin Franklin

Tons of leads were weighing down my eyelids. I strained my every nerves and muscles to keep them open.

“1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8…”

Somehow, the Chinese Dance instructor seemed to be counting sheep for me. My vision was soon turned into a haze.

“Auntie, are you feeling alright? You look pale,” one of the students side-stepped and approached me with concern.

I awoke with a jolt and immediately felt embarrassment rising within me.

“Oh, I’m fine, thanks. Please excuse me for a moment. I need to go to the washroom.”

The contact of icy cold water on my face refreshed me momentarily. I looked at my ghastly reflection in the mirror and frowned. Indeed, I looked like a pale zombie with dark shadows encircling my sockets.

I could only blame myself for my current state. If only I hadn’t given into the enticement of surfing the net the night before. I had simply wanted to look up for some information. But one thing led to another. Eventually, I was checking out other interesting things and discover even more fascinating stuffs.

Initially, I gave myself an hour before turning in for the night. But the luxury of being able to function freely without the interference of the kids proved to be so fatal, I decided to give myself another half an hour of indulgence. It’s like nicotine addiction; once started, it’s hard to stop.

Before I realize, Rachel suddenly popped her head into my room and greeted me “good morning, Mummy”.

Alas! It’s already five-thirty in the morning. Never mind. I’ll give myself another half an hour before I catch a few winks, I thought to myself.

Daylight crept into the shadows. Silence was replaced by the happy chirrups of morning birds, unenthusiastic bustling of half-awake souls scrambling to work and the disgruntled humming and roaring of engines. The world around me had somehow come to life again.

A peek at the alarm clock beside my laptop put me in alarm mode. Another two hours had passed. I had just enough time to hang my laundry from the previous night’s wash, wake Mervin and Angel up to prepare for school, and washed up myself.

We reached the school by 10.25am for Angel’s Chinese Dance practice. I was still marveling at my ability to stay alert for most of the morning till I continued my parent volunteer duty for the afternoon session.

Even after the temporary perk-up from the cold splash, I began to feel sleep hanging heavily upon me again the moment I stepped into the music room. The hypnotic counting of beats, busy shuffling of feet, mad waves of the hands, all acted as my sleep-inducing agent. I had to pull myself out of the dark abyss of slumberland so many times I hoped no one had noticed.

Finally, it was 3pm. That spelled the end of my duty for the day. I floated out of the school like a wandering spirit.

The next thing I had to do was to wait, for another two and a half hour, to fetch Mervin and Angel from school. I did so while sipping on a cup of sour plum green tea with bubbles! It provisionally relieved me from the fatigue. However, to allow a small cup of drink to last for two and a half hour is a mean task. Before long, I found myself staring into empty space again. Dark curtains closing.

Dinner was at McDonald. I didn’t try to deceive myself that I’d be capable of cooking in my current state. I had to spare my kids the agony of having to give thanks over sordid food.

Once I touched home ground, my sirens were all sounding. My caffeine level was critically low, energy level nearly zapped, and irritation level dangerously high. Everything flung out from my hands; all aimed at Kristel, my beloved bitch, for her neat creation by the doorstep. She had managed to puke out her previous night’s dinner, due to my experimental cooking though, but I was so engulfed in self-pity that the poor bitch had to take cover. Lucky for her, I was never a good shooter.

I left everything as it was and headed for my sea of tender warmth. I plunged into the deep gulf and was instantly freed from consciousness.

I didn’t get to sleep through the night. My otherwise ideal slumber was interrupted twice by the muddle-headed Angel, who stumbled in enquiring about dinner.

“Mummy when are we having dinner?”

“Mummy, what are we going to have for dinner?”

Rachel interfered too by asking me for permission for the use of my laptop.

Mervin was the only one who stayed away, probably due to the sound reprimands I had given him during dinnertime for losing his money in the school. That was another heart-breaking story. He had left his wallet on the ground while playing soccer with his friends during recess time, as “I could run faster without my wallet in my pocket”. By the time he finished his ball game, his wallet was no where in sight. He got his wallet back from the office but all the money was gone. I had to unclench my fists n teeth many times after I got wind of the incident.

Anyway, I was fully aroused at around 10pm. I proceeded to charge up my caffeine level with a cup of tea and fill my tummy with two toasted bread with margarine and strawberry jam. My sidekick (someone who keeps sticking to my side kicking me in the ass) who was asking me for dinner just now joined me for supper. After the boost, I felt so much better.

Now I have another problem.

Insomnia.

Drat.