Cross Roads

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
~Diane Loomans "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"

It’s always easier said than done.

Those are exactly what I had in mind not once but thrice. “As Long As They Are Happy” used to be my motto in bringing up the kids. But in reality, there are so much more to consider. For every decision, I’ll need to assess the pros and cons, envision the consequences, ruminate on what values the kids will be learning, cogitate how it’ll affect their feelings, and so much more. How I wish I am a guy sometimes.

There never seems to be a perfect answer for every situation. Most often than not, learning the right values is my main priority. However, it may not always be that simple.

The first time Mervin nearly had me sweating bullets was when he was in Primary Two. That was last year. Amidst a very normal dinner, he suddenly started sobbing inconsolably. I panicked as he was the obstinate bull in our family who’d rather challenge you with words than to break down. I tried to stay calm and got him to relate to me what had happened.

It turned out that he had been playing a game of soccer with some other boys in school a few days back. Though he didn’t know them and they were much older than him, he didn’t think much as he is passionate over soccer. Instead of using the usual ball, the boys were playing the game with a plastic bottle cap. Mervin was the goalkeeper. Tragedy hit when he was trying to throw the “ball” to his friend at the back. The cap sailed through the air and hit the forehead of one of the boys. Upon seeing the boy keeling over with pain, he raced to him to ask if he was ok. When he saw blood sipping through the fingers of the boy, he got cold feet and ran off as fast as he could.

The teachers were alerted but the other boys couldn’t identify Mervin. However, Mervin was guilt-stricken and terrified when he knows that the teachers were looking for the culprit.

I took that opportunity to let him learn the importance of responsibility and encouraged him to own up to the teacher. I learned much later that the boy had suffered a bad cut on his forehead and required stitches. Mervin was let off with a mild warning for playing with the bottle cap. The teacher had taken into consideration that he was young and unintentional, and decided not to blow the matter up.

I’m proud that I did the right thing and taught him to be responsible in that incident. Sadly, when lightning strikes twice (yes, it’s Mervin again), I couldn’t be as decisive and chose the easy way out.

Mervin was playing soccer (déjà vu?) with his siblings and his friends at the void deck under our block. I’d warned them not to kick the ball too hard in case it hit someone or the vehicles parked at the car park nearby. Hence, they decided to throw the ball instead. This time, Mervin hit the fluorescent lamp above which landed with a crash onto the ground.

Rachel called me from their friends’ house to break the news to me. My mind turned blank. I froze. I managed to ask them if they wanted me to go down and take a look but they declined.

After I put down the phone, my mind started functioning again. So many thoughts raced through my mind but there wasn’t any solution.

“What should I do?” I tried to consult my friends. Two actually.

Coincidentally, both gave me the same answer, “Run home!”

I was practically struggling within myself. Nothing that comes to my mind seems to be the perfect solution. Dilemma, dilemma, dilemma! What should I do? What could I do? I was almost crushed between the devil and the deep blue sea. I was caught in such trepidation that I almost passed out.

Since I couldn’t come to any decision, I decided to heed my friends’ advices. I decided to go downstairs and brought them home.

Ironically, when I reached the void deck, my grave expression was a stark contrast to their gay laughter ringing in the air. When I asked them to pack their things and go home, they gave me an unbelievable look.

“Why? We haven’t even finished playing yet!”

“Just pack your things and go back home with me!” I almost wanted to yank them back by their hair.

“Mummy, Mummy, see those glasses on the floor!” “You see, Mummy, that’s where Mervin hit the lamp!” “That Mervin! He threw the ball so high!” the three of them chose to speak at the same time.

“Shhhhhhhh!” I cast a nervous look around me and tried to make a deal with them. “Just pack your things and leave now! I’ll let you come down and play tomorrow evening again if you want to.”

“Then what about the glasses on the floor?” Rachel persisted.

“Just leave it.” I tried to avoid looking at the debris on the ground and proceeded to retrieve their belongings. “Now, go home.”

I gave them a look which means I would not entertain anymore discussions. Rachel threw me an exasperated look and joined her brother and sister in packing up.

Before she marched off, I heard her muttering, “So irresponsible!”

I really wanted to dig a hole and bury myself. While I was busy feeling ashamed of myself along the way home, Mervin and Angel were excitedly reliving the when-the-ball-hit-the-fluorescent-lamp episode.

Oh my God.