Good Kids vs. Bad Pit

If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it'll change. If you're in a good situation, don't worry it'll change. ~John A. Simone, Sr.

There are times when I dare not look ahead, just taking a micro-step at a time. There are just too many pits ahead of me waiting to devour me whole.

I had (or thought I had) somewhat put the pasts behind me and moved on with great pride with my current part-time job. Kids had done me proud with their amazing progress.

Rachel is still great in her studies. She took on to her new secondary school life almost like her second skin. Despite her growing workload, she still managed to squeeze time in for her extra commitments outside her curriculum. Her social circle is now so huge and schedules so tight that even I have to book her weeks in advance for an appointment! This young lady really never fails to prove me wrong and amazes me with her multi-tasking ability. But some things still remain the same. Her messiness and laziness in doing chores never seem to improve a bit. If only I have extra hands… I will love to use them to knock some sense into her.

Mervin is showing remarkable improvements in both his attitude and behaviour and studies. I’m really looking forward to receive good news for his final papers. This boy is still occasionally a heartache with his occasional outbursts. But he really does me proud these days by trying his best to put his words into action. He even surprises me with words of concern and comfort when he senses that I’m down or tired out. I think the “wooden block” I had used to label him is no longer applicable now. He is so sweet and more sensible now. But having said that, this boy’s temperament is still like Singapore’s weather – extremely erratic; I was just chatting with the boy’s teacher the other day, and we both commented that the boys’ (including others in his class) behaviours are seasonal. But instead of a season every four months, their season changes every four minutes! Oh well, maybe not that exaggerating, but close.

Angel is still Angel. She is still sweet in her own ways. She still helps me out with chores voluntarily (I’m so thankful for the extra hands – but no, I still don’t have the extra hands to knock Rachel); she still loves to help her sis and bro around sometimes (though they thought she was irritating and meddlesome at times); she is still very well-behaved in school (at least no complaints yet). B-U-T, and that’s a very big but, she is beginning to develop an attitude. This attitude is not unlike what Mervin had previously. But because she’s a girl, and supposedly a very sweet girl, her developing it makes it look twice as bad on her. Basically, this little girl is still very innocent and naïve at heart. She still has a lot to learn in so many aspects. I wonder if being the youngest in the family is the reason how her mind develop; or mingling with her brother too much has moulded her into an even more impressive wooden block such that she is really oblivious to others’ moods and feelings around her. But apart from that little flaw, she is still the darling who loves to shower me with excessive hugs and kisses, which I have absolutely no trouble with!

Things are pretty much the same with me apart from the extra work aka extra income. I’m a happier mum knowing that I am able to provide for my kids to a certain extent with my own ability. I’m guilty of occasionally lavishing them with things they were previously deprived of. Oh, alright, it’s more than occasional. But my guilt is nothing compared to the contentment on their faces. And being such wonderful kids, they never ask for more than I can give them. What’s more, they even try to help me save on the spending by not wanting me to buy some things they really craved for. Even when I had to turn them down for something I could not afford, they were all ready to understand. At this time of financial recession, I think I have an extreme inflation of love.

Things are not always rosy as usual. I’ve received another notification of probable seizure on our assets. There is absolutely nothing I can do right now but wait and suffer. The urge to end the torture is so strong but I can’t be sure that it’s the best course. Kids are my priority. I’m supposed to be immune by now but I can’t explain the hollowness in my heart.

I’m taking micro-steps.

Don’t let me fall please.