Peace

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled . . . —John 14:27

During the Sunday service, when the pastor gave an altar call for the connect group leaders, my cell group leader asked me to go forward, along with some other cell group friends. I was reluctant. Being a connect group leader is definitely the last thing on my mind. And getting laid hand by my pastor is another intimidating thing for me. Seeing how some people reacted strongly to the Holy Spirit frightened me. What if there are demons in me? What if I begin to tremble and my eyes roll up when I am being touched? What if I don't feel a thing? How am I supposed to fall back? What if everyone falls but I don't? Should I fake a fall?

The train of thoughts ran through my mind as I stood among the hundreds of people waiting to be blessed. Just close my eyes, pray in the spirit, and let it happen, I told myself. Surprisingly, I felt calmness fall upon me. The jitters I usually have when I go before a large crowd did not surface. I took a step of faith, and another, and a few more, and it's my turn.

I lined up in the front row with some others, bowed my head, closed my eyes, stretched my hands and prayed in the Spirit. Let it come, whatever it may be, I prayed. The pastor's gentle voice rang beside my ear as I felt his hand upon my head. I expected a strong current, or a push from the pastor's hand, or even a moment's weakness to wash over me. Nothing. The touch was soft, barely there, and I fell back with unexpected gentleness. I didn't feel anything overwhelming. I didn't feel welled-up emotions. I felt nothing.

I was a little disappointed as I made my way back to my seat. Perhaps I wasn't the Chosen One. Perhaps I was not ready to receive. Perhaps I did not deserve the blessing.

The rest of the day was filled to the brim with flea market in the afternoon, baby's shower in the evening and mummy visiting at night. By the time I reached home, it was past midnight. I was so tired that I overslept the next morning and decided to stay at home to the rare peacefulness with all the kids at their cell group chalet.

It was a reminisce of the past when all of them were in school while I was still a stay-at-home mum. It seemed to be a long time since I was able to stand by the morning, doing the dishes while the happy chirps of the birds were carried in by the gentle breeze. The peace and quiet was so different from the constant battle at the workplace. And suddenly it hit me. Peace. That was what I had been praying for for the past weeks. And God had granted me my wish. The nothingness that I had felt during the altar call was none other than peace - the quietness of my heart and soul that lasts till now - amidst the troubles that plagued me.

God is Peace. He works in way we could not perceive. His love and blessings never cease. As long as we trust in Him, we will receive.

Thank You, my heavenly Father.